Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i out mim tonsoeep
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
