is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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