but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize