My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
