His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
