I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
