the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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