I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
