i always forget guys have bellybuttons
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
