turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize