I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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