So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
