shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize