I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
