So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
