you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
