Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
