you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
