OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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