Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
