I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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