I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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