Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I will die if light touches me.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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