i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
