hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My feet surprised me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
