We're like a lot better than the average bears
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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