So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
