Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
