Are we in a gay sports bar?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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