You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize