6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
