was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize