It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
