Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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