Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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