May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
