So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
