i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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