Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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