In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Everyone says I win the strip club
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
