I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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