I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
