I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
