Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
