i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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