4 words: hood of his car
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
