there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
