it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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