OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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