I want to make a zoo with you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize