I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
