White coat. Heels.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
