i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
