Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
