I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
