I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
