My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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