Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
