Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize