Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
