I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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