she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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