I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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