Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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