If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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