Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize