your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
