I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
