I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize