We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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