the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You've changed since you got that strap on
You ruined the universe
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
