I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
