Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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