omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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