But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
