I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
