I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Randomize
