you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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