He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
