I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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