ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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