so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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