Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize