A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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