But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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