Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize