And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize