I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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