He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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