The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
