see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I only lived at night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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