I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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