who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
