If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
