It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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