he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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