if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
