Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
