Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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