ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
