dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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