I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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