Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
