he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
