sarcasm needs its own font
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
