My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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