Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
