I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
