How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
