You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
