He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize