if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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