saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
